Poker News

Poker Game Show

“Joe, guess what?”

“C’mon, Hobby. I don’t like guessing games. Why don’t you just say what you have in mind.”

“Okay. It’s about my friend Bailey Mack, the TV producer I fixed you up with to sell one of your poker stories (Payback, Poker Player Magazine, Jan. 24, 2005).

“I remember that mess. I told him to take his job and shove it. Is he looking for more advice?”

“You won’t believe it, but he is. He’s looking for a writer and technical advisor for a game show about Texas Hold ‘Em.”

“I’m definitely not interested in working for him and furthermore, there are a lot of guys that know more about poker than I do.”

“I told him that too, but he says most of them can’t write and they don’t know anything about TV. You’re his man; he’s going to call you.”

“Well, if you hear from him before I do, tell him to save his nickel.” I had forgotten my conversation with Hobby when Bailey’s call came. After his explanation, I said, “Let’s be frank, I don’t want to work for you. I don’t like you and I don’t invite grief into my life.”

He replied, “While we’re being frank, let me say I don’t like you either. However, you know the subject, you can write, and most important, you don’t take any crap.”

Hell, I couldn’t argue with that assessment, and darned if I didn’t agree to give it a shot.

I met Bailey and his cohorts at Mega studios. We assembled in a fancy board room replete with a beautiful long-legged Eurasian “assistant” who served coffee. Bailey made a point of introducing us and gave me the high sign that she was mine if I were interested. He’s making me suspicious with his excessive sucking-up overtures.

Bailey took the floor and said, “This is for your benefit, Joe. These guys are solidly aboard. I want to convince you to join the team.” I sat mute as he continued his spiel. “I guess I don’t have to tell you that poker is one of the hottest shows on TV. We’ve done the research and confirmed its high audience potential for the age group advertisers want to reach. But rather than just another tournament of professionals or celebrities, we’ll make it a game for the average Joe, if you’ll pardon the expression. It’ll be a 30-minute time slot in early evening prime time. We’ve lined up a network and interested advertisers. How’re we doing so far?”

I was playing it so cool, he probably thought I was falling asleep. I responded to confirm I was listening: “I don’t know enough to dispute anything you’ve said, but so far I don’t see anything in it for me.” “I’m coming to that, Joe. We’ll have a known personality host and a professional tournament director. To enhance the scenery there’ll be plenty of T & A with pretty girls in skimpy costumes. The gimmick is-our players will be picked from the audience before each show. With the promotions we’re planning, we’ll have a house full of aspiring poker players dying to cash in on the big money, but it’s got to work in a half hour. That’s where you come in Joe. What do you think?”

The wheels were turning as he spoke. I could appreciate the potential, but saw the difficulty: trying to keep up the excitement level and wind it up in a half-hour. The trouble was, poker is a mostly a boring activity interrupted by occasional drama. If the cards don’t fall right, it can be downright dull. I opined, “Your problem is to stay within the context of the game while holding the at-home TV audience.”

“You’ve got it Joe. How do we do it?”

“I can work it out, but this is where we start talking contract.”

“Great, Joe. I’ve got Legal standing by. Welcome to the team.”

I responded with less enthusiasm saying, “Let’s sparethe handshakes until we put something on paper.” I called my agent and we struck a deal. As soon as I was on the “payroll,” Bailey pushed me for my ideas. Looking forward to an otherwise dull weekend, I promised to have something for Monday morning.

Some people think best in a supine position. Not me. It’s when I’m on the move that my clogged brain cells start emitting ideas like a dog shaking off water. Pacing about my condo while sucking on long neck Coronas, I wrestled with many scenarios before it finally came to me. Not a simple solution, but I was certain that with some testing it would work.

Back at the Mega conference room, I began my pitch. “Okay, I’ve figured it out so we can ensure exciting play, and hold the TV viewing audience.” The faces in the room lit up like a turned on Christmas tree. “We’ll also be respectful of the game and fair to the players.” There was a noticeable sigh of relief from Bailey.

For the next half-hour I presented details of my concept, then said, “We’ll need to set up a beta test to work out the bugs and get a better idea of the timing, but I think we can do the live show in about an hour and edit it to 30 minutes for the broadcast.” Bailey had made copious notes throughout my presentations. I was expecting a discussion, but he abruptly rose and said, “Thanks, Joe. That’s all for now. I’ll call you when we’re ready for the next meeting.” He and his girl stood and left the room. The rest of us stared blankly at each other until someone remarked, “Well, I guess that’s it.”

I thought a visit to Hobby was in order to let him know what was happening. I stopped at the marina, where he was relaxing on his boat, Lazybuns. “Guess what, Hobby?” I said, remembering his line.

“Joe, I don’t like guessing games. Why don’t you just say what you have in mind.”

“By God, Hobby, I’m impressed. You remembered, verbatim, our earlier repartee.”

“Huh? I still don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Joe.”

“It’s about the poker game show. I just came back from a meeting, but I think your guy Bailey is up to something. I’ve got the feeling I’ve just had my pockets picked.”

“You don’t mean to tell me that you spilled your guts without a contract?”

“I have a contract, but I’ll have to take another look at the fine print.” (To be continued, next issue.)

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