Poker News

John Carlisle

Dear Poker Counselor, I am a great poker player who consistently wins money. Over the past year I am probably up over $30,000 playing poker, but my problem is leaving the casino. After every winning session, instead of getting into my car, I find myself blowing my winnings at the craps table. I now have nothing to show for the long hours that I put into poker.

I know that I could make poker a living, if only I could get to my car! Sincerely,

Broke in Boston

I can distinctly recall a Friday night back in college when a buddy of mine fumbled around his apartment while getting ready for a big date. This girl was a true beauty, and he was as nervous as I’d ever seen. After finishing straightening his collar and checking his hair, he went to grab his car keys from the kitchen table, only to find that they weren’t there. He dashed to the closet to check his coat pockets — no keys there either. In a panic, he unsuccessfully checked under each sofa cushion while mumbling about messing-up yet another date. After freezing for a moment, he hurried back to the closet to re-check the same coat pocket, looked again at the table, and flipped each sofa cushion one more time. I chuckled at him, pointing out how irrational it was to look in the same places for those keys as if they would suddenly appear. He later attributed the lost keys and re-checking the sofa to nothing more than nervous energy getting in the way. I saw it a bit differently.

What he didn’t understand is that all of our behaviors in life are purposeful. Some purposes are obvious, like when we eat food inorder to relieve hunger pangs. Others are not so obvious, like when we misplace our keys moments before a big date. His motivation in misplacing the keys and rechecking the same spots was actually to delay the distress that comes with that awkward first date. This avoidance is a common defense mechanism when facing with an especially stress-inducing situation. My friend was scared to the core, and although it wasn’t the most rational way to do it, his mind was leading him in a direction that helped him avoid that pressure (if only for a few moments).

I see your losses at the craps table as a bigger, much more expensive utilization of the same defense mechanism. Rather than avoiding that hot date, you are actually subconsciously sabotaging your poker successes to avoid the “next level”. When you say, “I am a great poker player,” I can sense you actually implying “I am a great poker player AT MY LEVEL.” You feel alive, and more importantly in-control at your tables, at your buy-in’s, and when you know you have a “real” job while just playing poker on the side. The fear of losing this comfort level and facing the uncertain future is what prevents you from making it to your car with your winnings in hand. You really don’t know where you would stand as a professional poker player, and you have yet to set a clear goal to that end. You write that you know you could makea living as a pro, but I can tell that you are not convinced that you actually would. Thus, your defenses have kicked-in to allow you to avoid the big decision on how far to take your poker game — you see, there is no choice on whether to go pro or not if there is no money in your bankroll! Your money is continually donated back to the casino via the craps table in order to avoid a stressful situation, just as my buddy’s keys kept getting hopelessly lost in the apartment somewhere other than the sofa cushions!

Broke in Boston, you must take control your own thoughts and emotions to overcome this issue and achieve success. In addition being broke financially right now, your confidence is broke as well. Your first step to remedy this is to set a solid, obtainable goal for your poker future. Where do you want to be in 6 months, a year, and 5 years from now? How are you going to get there? Are you willing to do what it takes to get to where you envision? If you choose to try the pro route, you must overcome the lack-of-confidence demons that haunt many newer players. If you choose to continue on the more recreational route, still remember to set solid goals to work towards. When you catch yourself doubting your own abilities, doubting your future direction, or sensing a defense mechanism taking over, work to reclaim your confidence and remember your goals. When you clarify your goals and truly believe in yourself and your abilities, you will be striding past the craps tables with your poker winnings firmly in your pocket!

Now, go make it happen.

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