Poker News

John Vorhaus

The other day I came across a useful piece of poker instruction in acronym form: FAR; Focus, Aggression and Reads. This simple shorthand reminds us what, exactly, we need to take into most ring games and most tournaments if we hope to have a chance to win. The next time I played poker, I applied the FAR strategy, and really liked the results… until I forgot that there’s a little more to poker than just focus, aggression and reads. There’s also, for example, hand selection, a little something I somehow overlooked in my zealous attention to FAR.

So I cooked up a little acronym of my own: DPCH. This stands for Don’t Play Crap Hands, and if I just whisper “DPCH” to myself as I look at my cards, it has the effect of wedding FAR to quality starts. I do much better — we all do — with the judicious combination of aggressive play and quality cards. FAR + DPCH = winning poker.

The acronym, it turns out, is a powerful tool for remembering all sorts of useful things in poker. So I have sought to discover what other complex concepts I could boil down to simple grabs and easy instructions. Here are a few I stumbled upon as I wandered the fields of my imagining.

DDST. Don’t Do Stupid Things. This all-purpose advice reminds us to stay away from slim draws, hopeless bluffs, suicide raises and other reckless adventures. Whenever we find ourselves stuck and bleeding, and tempted to play badly just because we’ve ceased to give a damn, DDST reminds us that we have an obligation to play our best no matter how the cards are running.

QW. This stands for both Quit Whining and Quit Winners. As “quit whining,” it reminds us that poker is a luxury of our lives that almost every living human today cannot afford, in terms either of freedom, time, access, money, or all of the above. So quit whining. You didn’t get the outcome you wanted? At least you got to play. As for “quit winners,” I’m not saying you should win every time you play (you can’t, you won’t) but it doesn’t hurt to tell people you won. Whether you won or not, just say, “I quit winners,” when anybody asks. This paints a picture of you as a successful player, or else someone canny enough to sell that fiction, and you can live with either assessment.

GBOGH. Go Big or Go Home. Pronounced, “guhbuff,” it’s the holy grail of Killer Poker. If you find yourself playing weak, reflexive, scared or timid, back-on-your-heels poker, tell yourself to just “guhbuff.” If you can’t go big, you must go home. Remember, only the bus driver decides where the bus will go.

SNM/TNP. Show no Mercy, Take no Prisoners. Tell yourself this on the way to the club, or as the tournament starts, or when you log on to an internet poker site. It will remind you that you’re not there to fart around or chase the buzz, you’re there to kick some ass. If you’re not prepared to pursue a scorched-earth policy in your play, perhaps you shouldn’t play.

I’ll be back next time with more acronyms for your consideration. In the meantime, maybe clip and save this column, or transcribe these acronyms into your poker notebook. They’ll help keep you on the straight and narrow in a quick and easy and painless way every time you call them to mind.

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