Poker News

John Vorhaus

I finished writing a book today. Killer Poker Online/2. You can expect to see it in your bookstore within the year, and I hope to heck that it won’t have been horrendously overtaken by events by then. Meantime, I’ve got a few spare minutes on my hands, and while any time during the last six months I would certainly have filled those minutes playing poker online (in the name of research, mind you) I gotta tell ya that I’m just a little sick of that recreation right now. Like they locked me in an ice cream store overnight and by morning I couldn’t stand the sight of the stuff.

Anyway, I’ve got a new game. It’s called internet translator, and here’s how it works. You take a familiar phrase, say fortune favors the bold, and run it through a couple of different translations online. Like from English to French, French to Russian, Russian back to English. What do you get? Fortune favors the fat. Lovely. It’s like that game telephone we used to play when we were kids, only this version is solitaire. Being of an inquisitive bent, I thought I’d see what happened if an internet translator got hold of some phrases of my coinage. The originals of all of these can be found in my various Killer Poker books. The translated versions can be found only here, thank God. The meaning must be divined, as with tea leaves.

All things being equal, be active

All things, which are equal, are active

If you have the best of it, don’t fear the worst of it

If you him has the better thing, you fear no longer imperfect

When you get the goods, bet the goods

When you obtain the merchandises, the merchandises bet

Go big or go home

It goes great or it goes to filed

What you see depends on where you stand

If you see, it depends above where you keep

The only one who can hurt you is you

Some with which can wound to you is you

Self indulgence equals self destruction

Even beaten, the self destruction equalizes

Good is the enemy of great

Good large one will be the enemy

There are no bad beats, only temporary setbacks

Exists no one strikes bad, the only temporary nuisances

If it’s good for a call, it’s good for a raise

If it is well for an interpolation, it is well for an increase

Only victims get victimized

The victims have only become the victim

Don’t beat your head against a wall that has a door in it

The lettuce, your head, adversely is a wall that has a door in it

Save your ego for the winner’s circle

Right I you for the circle of victor

It’s not the end of the world, it’s not even the end of the week

It is the end of the world, it is not indeed the end of the week

Nonsense? Sure. But inspired nonsense, right? Okay maybe not. Idle hands are the devil’s playground, and these idle hands obviously can’t stay still for long. Can I start my next book yet?

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