Poker News

Poker Cop

A Goon steps out of the alley.

I yell to the driver, “Step on it!”

“Where to?” he asks.

“Somewhere! Anywhere!”

The Goon raises his gun.

“I need an address.”

I scream, “Winslow, Arizona! Go!”

I collapse back in the seat. Close my eyes. Sleep.

The cab lurches to a halt, waking me.

“We’re here,” says the driver.

“Where?”

“Exactly where you asked to be taken. The corner of Winslow and Ari-zona.”

I pay the driver and get out. He’s left me in front of an old brownstone. A woman appears at the top of the stairs.

“Hello Jack,” says Jenny.

“Welcome to the House of Cards.”

“Jenny?”

I run up the stairs. “What do you mean ‘Welcome to the House of Cards?’ Idon’t get. . . .”

She closes the door. The Small Man stands in the hallway. Ignoring what I don’t get she says, “This is the House of Cards. I am its Mistress. This gentleman,” indicating The Small Man, “is its Enforcer.”

“And what,” I ask, “is the House of Cards?”

“It’s where weak poker players, like you, become extinct. You don’t belong here, Jack. Leave now before it’s too late.”

I take out the As. “I’m told the Rules say: ‘You show the Spade, you play.’”

“You’re a fool,” she tells me, taking the Spade.

“We’re waiting for to last player to arrive. Come this way.”

I don’t move, ask, “What’s going on?”

“I would have thought you’d figured it out by now. Don Giuseppe was given an As Invitation to play at the House Of Cards. Someone murdered him for it. While searching for The Spade’s thief, we learned that the Don’s grandson, Gyp, was also searching for the Don’s murderer. Playing the dumb blonde, something I promise you I am not,I took a job at his favorite hangout and cozied up to him. Gyp, the perfect combination of sweet and stupid, confided in me that he had a silent partner. This partner, so Gyp said, also had an Invitation to the House Of Cards. I knew this wasn’t true and that Gyp’s silent partner had to be the Spade thief. But Gyp wouldn’t tell me who this silent partner was, only that the three people he suspected of the Don’s murder would be at a game along with his partner. When Gyp told me to serve you, and only you, the watered-down drinks, I decided you had to be The Spade’s thief. Gyp, at my suggestion, sent me out for food. The Enforcer, who you call The Small Man, was waiting. I gave him your description and sent him up to kill you and recover The Spade. By the time he got there everyone was dead except you. He told you, ‘No one cheats the House Of Cards’ and then made the first of several failed attempts to kill you.”

I tell Jenny, “But I’m not the Spade Thief. I didn’t cheat the House Of Cards. Gyp had two partners. I was only there to cheat. The other, the player I called Shemp, was there to kill. He’s the one you want. You have to believe me.”

“The Rules,” answers Jenny, “say I have to let you play. Nowhere do they say I have to believe you.”

The doorbell rings.

“That,” says Jenny, “will be our final player.” She opens the door. Standing there, holding up an As, is Shemp.

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