Poker News

Donald Woods Jr.

Futuristic Poker

…Twas the night before Christmas and all through the hall, everything was crowded, the casinos, the malls. —Cut! Well, you get the picture. Welcome to futuristic poker. The time is approximately, 9:00 p.m. in the year 3010. Casino gaming has reallychanged in 1000 years plus, in addition, the Christmas promotional bonanza in now in effect. The litany of gigantic neon placards placed intrusively close to the highway is beckoning for your patronage. “Twenty-four gaming, we never sleep, even when you are, for your enjoyment pleasure. Easy access, lavish surroundings, comfortable amenities, compliments the state-of-the-art decor. For the finest in adult entertainment, make the switch to the place that pays to be there.

In the year 3010, many things have changed. For beginners, when arriving at the board to play in the poker section, there is no longer a line to be seated. Full automated state-of-the-art computers record your name, initials, etc. to be seated when a seat becomes available. In addition, while seated in the waiting areas, at the push of a button located on the full leather lounge seats that you occupy, free food and drinks are available. Full surround, wide-screen, floorto- ceiling plasma television sets, highlights the waiting area. So, when your name is called for a seat the computer memory automatically remembers whom you are, sending a beam of light like an on stage performer highlighting your presence. “Mr. X, your seat is ready. Once you have arrived at the designated table, you will find that the dealer is now a relic of the past. The game is controlled by a fully automated system that runs the game, dispenses the cards, makes decisions when applicable and monitors the over-all behavior of the table. Sort of like a self contained, miniature casino in a casino. Unlike the shuffle - machines instituted in the 2000’s, the Shuffle Master 9000BTM, scrambles, shuffles, and distributes the cards with lightning speed precision guaranteed up to .9999988 in accuracy. Some of you naysayers may ask, “yeah, but what about that .0000012 percentage, huh? To you I say, “Go somewhere else, quickly, and get help!.

Once arriving at the designated seat, the dealer automated voice announces your arrival. Every seat entitled to a hand, receives warp speed, accurate cards. Once the player discards a hand, the automated vacuum like machine, sucks them in a pile. The play proceeds as normal with a couple of exceptions. After the hand is over the losing player can actually access the automated 9000BTM for comments on the winning hand. For example: by pressing a button by your cup holder, access’ comments on the previous hand. “What did you think about that hand? Answer, “You did everything you could do on that hand, the man got lucky, stayed in there taking all that pressure and caught two perfect cards, Damn! So, for all you players that need to hear some words of encourage to supplement the fact that the chips were rewarded elsewhere, the 9000BTM can be that outlet. A variety of responses and comments are at the touch of a finger by the losing player only! Now here is the downside of that, comments can be accessed following a hand for three consecutive hands only..

The end results from this futuristic insight is the house makes money, shares the proceeds with the players by way of expansive jackpots, monitored by all monies received and dispersed at the ready on a 24 hour ticker tape, updated every three minutes. However, be forewarned all you bad actors that any disturbance and behavioral problems will be dealt with severely. Since the automated system has recorded your name, or initials, the system merely announces, “Mr. X has been disqualified from future playing for tonight, goodnight sir!

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