Poker News

John Vorhaus

Last time we profiled a few typical denizens of online play. Let’s continue our forensic investigation now.

WALLY. A Wally (short for cally Wally) is a weakloose player. Wallies call too much, fold and raisetoo little, and chase all sorts of draws without regard to, or indeed knowledge of, pot odds. They’ll routinely call preflop raises with inferior values but, paradoxically, only raise preflop with premium hands. Get against a Wally and you can bet for value forever because he’ll never bluff-raise into you. On the other hand, you can’t bluff a Wally because his calls-withbottom- pair will simply wear you out.

FRISKY. A frisky player is fearless, creative, difficult to gauge and difficult to put on a hand. He’ll raise with anything or nothing, and can trap, bluff, and drag (slowplay). He can play strong hands strongly or weakly; he can play weak hands weakly or strongly. Frisky players play a lot of hands and play them well, but they can be beaten through trapping because their own friskiness will often get them out ahead of their hands.

FEELIE. “Feelie” describes a broad class of players who are more interested in feeling good at the table than in playing proper poker. Recognize them by the pride with which they show you their successful bluffs and good laydowns. Feelies have ego problems. They need constant external validation, and this need will make them reveal far too much about their play. Do everything in your power to reinforce their sense of smug superiority. Make them feel good enough and they’ll stick around to lose all their money to you.

ANGERBOT. Angerbots are feelies of a sort - - but dark, bleak ones who try to feel good about their play by telling you how bad yours is. While it’s remotely possible that their enraged chatbox rants are all an act, it’s much more likely that they’re emotionally out of control. We should not be surprised at this, for the online community is full of players — young men especially — who haven’t yet learned to tamp their Vesuvian tempers.

BOOKBOT. A bookbot tries to play correctly according to the starting hand requirements and strategies he’s absorbed from his studies. He has technical precision, but lacks finesse. He’ll play predictably, and miss opportunities that other, more creative, players would seize. He won’t hurt himself too badly in any game — but probably won’t hurt you either.

There are, of course, melds or hybrids of these handles. You can, for example, have a bookbot-angerbot, who will play correctly until he loses his cool. It really doesn’t matter what definition you give to a player, and it doesn’t pay to become too obsessed with fitting players into types. But the effort to assign handles to your foes pays dividends no matter what words you use, and even no matter how accurate you are, because it gets you into the habit of thinking about how your opponents think, and of analyzing the patterns of their play. So the next time you play online, keep a notebook handy and assign some handles to your foes. If nothing else, it will give you a sense of confidence, the confidence that comes from knowing you’ve got them named.

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